So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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