respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
