I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
