you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
