i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
you never un-have a 4some
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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