youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
