I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
