Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
what day is it and did you see me today?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
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