afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize