Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
