Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
