if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
