If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
