so that wasnt chicken after all
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
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