I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
