the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
