OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
