my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
