When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
