you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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