I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
