you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
