He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
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I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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