never play flip cup with pint glasses
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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