Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
