drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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