he puts the penis in happiness.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
