Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
