So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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