Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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