I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
