I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
