The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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