so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
