So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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