I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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