So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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