So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
