i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
