textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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