Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
