I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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