is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
