8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
