We won't sleep together?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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