Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
