weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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