mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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