Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
