i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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