Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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