census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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