I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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