Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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