you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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