made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
