At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
