Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
