we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
