my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂