he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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