I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There's always time for handjobs
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
