you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk