I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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