drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.