i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
