Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?