Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
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I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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