Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
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All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
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So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"