remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?