so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Someone shattered a urinal.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
