Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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