I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
