i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
