So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
