Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
