god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
