He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
