i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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