Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
high people should be assigned attendants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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