I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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