I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
