Its about making memories worth repressing
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
