if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I think people are normalizing furries
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
