apparently the secret to your success is patron
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
