Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
