Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
