I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
