Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize