I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
