and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
