Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
